Different just like everyone else

So, a few weeks back my son had a screening with a childhood development person from here in town. I called them because when we got back from our Christmas vacation I realized that something was different about my son and his cousins. He didn’t really play with them – didn’t really want to and didn’t really pick up on how to. His verbal, and conversation skills were far behind what his cousins were. There were other things as well. His paranoia at the vacuum cleaner or the dryer buzzer. The way he echoed whatever we asked him – the way he can count to twenty (but only when he sings) knows the alphabet, and can read some words, the fact that he is almost four and has no interest (and for a long time was scared) in toilet training.

  Oh right, the screening – yes, we had the screening. From that play session they think he has PDD-NOS, it is on the autistic spectrum. Next Wednesday, the 20th, he has his official assessment with 4-5 evaluators in our home. Then on the Wednesday after that they will meet with us again to let us know the official outcome. They will let us know about speech therapy, and who knows what else. I haven’t really been knitting. Everytime I do my mind drifts and ponders my son, and I feel like my heart is breaking. I know that it could be worse, but this is something that I don’t know how to handle. I keep reading all that I can, and wondering, and waiting for what will come next. I have my own appointment on Thursday with a psychiatrist. Yeah, I am not dealing well with this at all. Nope… I think I am losing it.